From September 2019, we are in the phase of gradual accommodation to child care with our from birth diaper-free children in the age of 2 and a half and 5 years.
We successfully went through the first and second Phase of the gentle approach.
But the 3rd and final stage of the accommodation was the heaviest for us.
In the 3rd stage, it is all about of the stabilisation of the whole procedure. There can be back fall, sicknesses crossing the plan and siblings sensitivity.
We did not only accommodate one child. The challenge was to accommodate 2 children at the same time to the kindergarten. In the 3rd stage, you ask yourselves when is the exact date of completion.
There is not such a date. It is important to acknowledge; that the 3rd stage is a period and can take up to 8 weeks alone. It fully depends on the child needs. is the one which needs the evaluation on daily basis. This is tricky as the emotions and well being of the child depends on the mother; on her new teacher, the overall state of health and siblings interaction.
In our 3rd phase, there has been a constant invisible evaluation based on non-verbal and verbal communication between the siblings. The almost 3 years old child was looking up to his big sister, how she is going through the morning ritual of separation – saying good bye to me as mom and entering her classroom: When the big sister showed most hidden and unconscious sign of discomfort or just not ready for the process, the little brother immediately toke over and intensified this behaviour. In this 3rd phase; when he expressed the will that he does not feel like going to kindergarten, I kept him at home. I listened carefully to his worries as he expressed big worries for his sister and the whole process. He constantly was asking me questions about the kindergarten and how is his sister doing and when we will get her.
We have today the middle of November and I can only now say, my children, are more or less stable accommodated. It tokes them 2 and half months; 12 weeks. This is fully in line with the German Soft accommodation approach.
We are very thankful to our Steiner Kindergarten in Brugge, that they have been open for this time-consuming approach. I have been given absolute power over this process as the competent educator of my children. I could follow freely the specific state of the process and adapt it per child individually. There was no MUST and Kiss and Go. Everyday; I just observed the state of the mind of each child, listened, analyzed and adapted. The moment my little son claimed; he feels sick I trusted him and the whole situation and he could enjoy the care of his mom at home. He never lied to me. When he felt sick, he was also sick. An even standard cold has been taken seriously and he could heal from it in the warm comfort of his home, a care of mom replaced unnecessary meditations. As he was not in childcare before, he also was in a period of catching new unknown viruses and his immune system could work on this in his own tempo and under positive circumstances of warm home care.
Turning point – the point of stabilization
There was one very important turning point which I observed to be present in the last days. The bigger sister is fully accommodated and show signs of real happiness going to her kindergarten meeting her new friends. This motivates also her little brother and he is watching out to his kindergarten in a more positive way. On the way to kindergarten, he does not cry anymore repeating he does not like to go there. He talks with his sister about friends and what they will do today.
Signs of good and bad adaptation
How can we see as parents our children are adapted well to the child care, to the new au pair or babysitter? The answer is simple. Your children show that they trust the person and seek in this person a figure of attachment which can calm them down. This can involve tears and cry. But the success is when your child is running towards the new trusted person of care and ask her for comfort while crying. The success is when this person of trust can make it that your child stops crying after 2 – 5 minutes.
What are the signs of not good adaptation and when to slow down the process
The major sign is when the new person of trust is not able to calm down your child in the critical time slot of separation when you are leaving. When you are leaving and you see that the child is running fully away from the teacher, au pair or babysitter and hide himself in some corner or like to run out of the room, following you and not seeking comfort in the near or in the arms of the new caregiver, you need to evaluate and modify the steps.
Mother-baby/child-friendly gradual adaptation to child care
Some child care institution would claim, we need to accept the situation as it is and child needs to adapt fast. Accepting what? Acceptance old schooled approach of an institutional child care?
I prefer to accept the needs of my children. I fully accept my own needs as a mother and their emotional and health needs as children. I slow down my own path to career and ask the society around me to accept this.
Even If I mark this week as the week of full accommodation, there can still be back fall and those must be accepted. With acceptance, I do not mean to bring a not feeling well little child under the age of 6 to child care. With the acceptance of the situation, I mean that I have respect from the individual tempo of each child/baby during the process of childcare accommodation and listen to the child. Let’s call this process of soft and gradual adaptation to child care – the mom and child-friendly oriented approach.
Invitation to meet PuraBebo, experience workshops and taste organic sweet cakes and snacks
This weekend, we sell first time on stone event – Pre Christmas Market – Schenkende Beurze.
20 % of the profit will go to support the Parent initiative of Steiner School in Brugge.
PuraBebo will show the newest collection for diaper-free babies and also prepare some raw vegan snacks as most delicious chocolate and dried orange snacks.
Visit PuraBebo and many more ecological initiatives and artists in Brugge, 24 and 25 November in Steiner School in Brugge.